**Once again I must thrown in my disclaimer. I realize my posts about this reunion have been both numerous and lengthy. This is a once in a lifetime experience on more levels than I can describe. I want to record anything... it is too precious to forget or set aside. God has given me this gift and I would be a fool to think He would not use it to touch others as much as He has touched me. It is not something I should keep to myself... nor should I. **
Meeting Maria was an amazing experience. I didn't believe it was possible to learn so much about myself from someone I haven't laid eyes on since I was several weeks old. And I never imagined I would have a clearer picture of how truly blessed I am than I was after hearing her story...
Maria was 17 years old and a Senior in high school when she met my father, Jeff Matthews. He was 19 at the time. They met at a dance and began seeing each other shortly after. Maria's mom had remarried when Maria was 10 years old. Her stepfather was a pretty strict man. Her mother and father did not approve of my birth father. He was rebellious and had a bit of an attitude. Maria would sneak out of the house to see him anyway. Not long after they became involved, Maria found out she was pregnant. She was terrified. She told my birth father she was pregnant. He told her he didn't believe it. She knew her family would be very upset. They had been very vocal about their feelings and pretty harsh when a neighbor girl found herself pregnant the year before. Maria couldn't tell them. She kept it a secret for several months before she told anyone in her family.
After telling her family about the pregnancy, Maria began the task of deciding what she was going to do. She sought counsel from her church, her parents, social services... several options were out there. She could keep the baby. She could give it up for adoption. She could have an abortion. Maria decided early on not to have an abortion. Maria told me she had grown up knowing God. She knew who He was. Maria told me "It was one of the most difficult times of my life but I had never felt so peaceful. I had never in my life felt so close to God as I was when I carried you. It was as though I was wrapped in this blanket. I felt as though I glowed and everyone around could see it. He had a hand on me every moment I carried you." She prayed about it and decided that adoption was the best choice for both of us. My birth father was contacted again and told about her decision. He denied paternity but later contacted the adoption agency and signed the papers.
Maria said the pregnancy was very easy. She didn't have any morning sickness, I rarely kicked her or sat on her bladder, she never experienced discomfort. Apparently the only exception to that statement had been shortly before I was born. I was breach and the doctors expected to deliver me via C-section. But one night, while watching t.v. with her brother, Maria said she felt me begin to move. She watched her stomach as I slowly made a 180 degree turn in her womb. She stated that was the only time of discomfort that she recalls. I was due sometime early February. But on January 29th Maria went into labor. I was born about 3 hours later, a very quick delivery. My eyes were open within a few minutes and I had a full head of thick, dark hair.
That night, I stayed in the room with Maria. She has mentioned that night as one of the hardest throughout the experience. Maria was sure that adoption was the right way to go but the nurse that was assigned to her spent the entire night trying to talk her into keeping me. Maria felt conflicted. She was forced to take some long, hard looks at herself and ask herself some tough questions. Come morning, she felt even more sure that she was making the right decision to put me up for adoption.
I spent another day and night in the hospital with her. She had me dedicated to the Lord and given the name "Naomi" meaning "pleasant spirit". That is the only name she knew me by. I was taken from the hospital and placed with foster parents.
When looking into adoption, Maria was given the choice to choose the adoptive parents herself or let the agency decide. Maria opted to choose them herself. She had spent months before my birth looking at several applications but she hadn't made a decision by the time of my birth. There had been several that looked good but she kept coming back to one couple in particular.
Curt and Kathy Burton could not have children of their own and had been trying to adopt a child for several years. There had been some potentials but none of them worked out. A few months prior to my birth, they had an adoption fall through very late in the game. It broke their hearts. My dad, Curt, has shared with me some of their frustrations. "They had classes for us to attend. We would go to these classes with a dozen other couples in the same position. Time would go by and none of us would be selected to have a child. Then, some would go and you would see some new couples come in. They would be in class for a week and suddenly be selected for a child. Sometimes it just didn't seem fair. What was so different about us that we were sitting there time after time with nothing happening while all these other couples were becoming parents?"
My mom, Kathy, told me about an adoption that fell through at the last minute the December before I was born. It devastated her and she was ready to give up. But Curt asked her to give it one more try. God would provide. When my parents had filled out their application with social services, they had marked down that they were Christians. After that last adoption had fallen through, a social worker suggested my Curt and Kathy that they remove that fact from their application. The social worker explained that labeling yourself as a "Christian" could possibly turn prospective birth parents off and would make it harder for Curt and Kathy to be chosen. They talked about it but Curt was adamant that they keep the fact that they were Christians in the application. It was who they were. If they weren't chosen because of it then it was because God knew best. God would provide.
Curt and Kathy would have had no way to know that their application was being looked in those moments. Maria spent days looking at different couples and families. She would mentally set some aside and rule out others. She always found herself coming back to Curt and Kathy's application. In many ways they looked like scores of other couples. They were young, had no other children, had a dog. had a lot of love to give a child... but the one thing that stuck out to Maria the most was that they had listed that they were Christians. This wasn't something that she had seen on any other applications and it was very important to her that I be raised in loving, Christian home. It was that crucial piece of information that led Maria to choose Curt and Kathy as my adoptive parents.
On February 19th, 1980 - Kathy's birthday - Curt and Kathy received a phone call telling them they had been chosen to be the parents of a baby girl born on January 30th and they could come and pick up her at any time. Kathy wanted to leave right away but there had been some major rain storms and quite a bit of flooding. They would have to wait. They would be at the adoption agency on February 21st.
The papers were ready to be signed. Maria believed she was doing the right thing yet there was still that part of her that wanted to be sure. Against the advice of her parents, her pastor and the social worker, Maria demanded to see me one last time before the papers were signed. Maria shared with me later, "I had to be sure I was making the right decision. I knew how my mind worked. I knew that if I didn't at least try to see you again, I would always wonder if I was doing the right thing and it would drive me crazy." On February 21st, 1980 I brought to the adoption agency and presented to Maria again. She held me, talked to me, cried and prayed. Several hours later she knew "without a doubt" she was making the right decision. She said her goodbyes and handed me to the social worker. She was told that the adoptive parents were in the building and asked if she wanted to meet them. She struggled with the temptation but decided that this day was too special for them and didn't want to interrupt it. The social worker took me from the room and straight into the arms of Curt and Kathy Burton.
While they held me for the first time, Maria signed the adoption papers a few rooms over. She asked that they be told about my name being "Naomi" to see if they would consider keeping it as a middle name. My parents had chosen the name "Kristin" but had been struggling with a middle name they liked. Naomi was perfect. I became Kristin Naomi Burton.
I have lived my whole life knowing I was a miracle. When I was little I knew enough to know I had been a special present - my mom's birthday present, no less! As I got older I understood that my life could have been drastically different and possibly no existent had Maria chosen other paths. But I never truly grasped how truly blessed and special I was until I reunited with Maria. There was something about seeing that smile and looking into those eyes that I didn't remember but somehow recognized that helped me see my life a bit more clearly. Hearing it all play out through my parents' and Maria's eyes and seeing how perfectly all the pieces fit together made me realize what a treasure my life truly is.
I was born an illegitimate child. A mistake in the life of a 17 year old - what much of today's world would consider a burden to society and a perfect case for abortion. But that 17 year old made a difficult, life altering decision to carry me to full term and give me to a family that couldn't have children to their own. And while all of this was going on, a couple who was beginning to feel that they were beyond hope, kept their faith knowing that God had something planned for them. Both sides dealt with pain of loss and uncertainty. Then their paths intersected and changed their lives and mine forever.
There are many who would read this laugh at the "sheer coincidence" of it all. Yet there is not a person on the face of this earth who could make me believe that any part of this had been a coincidence. It was not an accident that Maria made the decision she did to place me up for adoption rather than choosing an abortion. It is not a coincidence that she chose my parents because of their faith - a faith that they had been advised to conceal if they wanted to be selected to adopt a child. It is not a coincidence that the adoption that looked so solid fell through at the last moment for Curt and Kathy. God had a hand in all of this. He claimed me the moment I was conceived. That is an amazing thought... and difficult to grasp.
It never truly occurred to me how much attention He has specifically given me. I am not some generic Christian... one of millions who He considers part of his extended family. I am a precious child to Him and He has taken great care in every aspect of my life. I am totally undeserving of any of it. I'm not anything special. To the world, I'm just another girl. But to my Father, I am something special. And He's given me an amazing example of just how special He thinks I am.
My prayer is that I will remember every day what this feels like. That I will wake up every morning in awe at the life I've been blessed with. That when I am feeling insignificant I will remember I was a gift that filled the desire of two people's hearts. That though I was a "mistake" I blessed the life of the very woman I would have been a burden to. That I will realize that, even though I may look nothing like Catherine Zeta Jones or have the talent of Jennifer Hudson, I am special and have a purpose. And I pray that I use my life to somehow remind people of the same blessings in their life. That even in sharing the story of this reunion, that is will remind someone who is reading it of how truly unique and special they are. Take a moment to look back on your life. Think of all the times your life could have gone in a different direction. Yet here you are. Everything in your life has happened for a reason - the good and the bad. Whether you feel it or not, you are a blessing. The world wouldn't be the same without you.
I am blessed with parents who are two of the most incredible people I've ever met. I share the eyes, smile and laugh of a woman who made an incredible and selfless sacrifice for me. I have an amazing husband who took the time to search out one of the deep desires of my heart and understanding just what it meant to me. I have the privilege of sharing my life with all of them now and seeing, for the first time, an example of how great God is. Thankful doesn't begin to describe it...
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